This post is different than what you're used to from me. This one is a missive of loss. My loss. Your loss. The loss of the ones we love. And our avoidable hurt in the process of dealing with the ebbing of life as our loved ones grow older.
One of my best friends lost her sister last week. And her sister, Jan, was one of the most dynamic, energetic, forceful individuals you could ever meet! Like my brother, Michael, once you met her, you NEVER forgot her!
And Jan died a horrible death from pancreatic cancer. A struggle for over a year, which, with THAT cancer was a Great Fight, well fought! And, still, a Horrible Loss. A horrible Death! And this post isn't even about the tragic loss of my friend's sister.
My attention turns to a 94-year old man who all his life has had the spunk of a young adult. He's had the love of a wife he's known since early youth and the pure joy of living a life well lived.
No, he hasn't died. At the age of 94, he has survived multiple heart bypasses, breast cancer!, (they removed half of his chest wall muscles for that!), and, oh, yes, he survived being a Marine Air Corps gunner/mechanic for us in World War II in the Pacific.
If you read my "Post-celebration" post, you know who I'm talking about. My wife's father-in-law, Jim's dad, my Walt, fell down last week and broke his hip at the age of 94.
He had been taking care of his loving bride of 70+ years who now suffers from dementia, she not quite knowing what's happening now, but she's now loving every minute she gets to spend with her great-grandchildren.
And now, with him undergoing a partial hip replacement last Thursday, the future looks a whole lot different from what was just a mere 5 days ago!
We never think of old age, it seems, until it smacks us across the face with our parents. And once we deal with them, we glide on blithely until we wreck on the rocky shores of Impending Death ourselves.
We never seem to grasp the fact that people who grow old don't just "Grow Old." We just don't seem to "get" that aging is not merely a pleasant waning of existence until we graciously fade from this world just before we avoid embarrassing our children.
Death is a wresting of Life from us as we know it! We all FIGHT for the flag we've held all these years and we just don't give it up! God comes and makes us FALL with maybe a broken hip, confining us to wheelchairs, nursing homes, "Rehab" centers! And then, when we run out of money, we STILL fight for every friggin' breath we can take! (Old people are Rude, like that!) And we humans insist on embarrassing ourselves, our families and our friends, because we Will Not Give Up, and certainly we don't give in just because it would be convenient to everybody else if we did! We Fight For Life, as if it's the only thing we need! . . .Because it is.
You cannot fight instinct. And we, like every other life form on the planet, live to survive! That's INSTINCT! Can't help it! Won't change it! So, DAMMIT, Family, DAMMIT Society, Deal With It!
What are we going to do with our old people who refuse to just die quietly, on time, hopefully in their isolated apartments when the time supposedly comes, and then, they just Don't?
Hospice is a step in the right direction, of course. But how do we cope with the money challenges? Who pays for quality care? Gutters don't cost a lot, but that's embarrassing to those of us who have to watch our family die in those gutters as we step over them on our way to the theatre in our best-dressed clothes. But not embarrassing enough to pay our entire life's income to get them out of the gutters! We'll cling to the "American Credo" of "Buck yourselves Up, You Old Farts!" And why, in the richest country on earth, do we have the most inefficient system of administering quality health care on every level, from newborns to geriatrics?
Are we so avariciously greedy throughout our lives to not pay attention to the quality of life we want to live?
Well, of course, we are. And I don't have to give us all a "tsk-tsk." for that. Our end of life experiences will do that for me. I'm just asking you to look at that Freight Train coming at us. It may be a long way off, but you can see it now and it's moving pretty damned fast. And it will be here before you're ready for it.
Trust me on this.
It's way past time for the United States to get our medical affairs in order. We, the "richest" country on earth, have to figure out (or just look at) how every other civilized nation has come to grips with health care and do it as cheaply as everybody else does, and just Do The Right Thing! Our old people are dying in their apartments from starvation, neglect, cold, and just loneliness!!
SHAME ON US!!
It shouldn't be political! It should be Ethical! Humane!
What the Hell is wrong with us?!?! It's so simple, we should just do it. It's been done, already, but, no, we have to fight the repeals. . . .AARRGGHH!!
Shame on us.
